We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
