Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
