if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
