Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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