drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize