i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
