my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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