I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
