I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
