I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
