New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize