Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
