He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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