I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
