Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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