69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
