At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize