Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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