Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Small penises have feelings too.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
