His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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