I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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