he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
