Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
