I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
