Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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