i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
