Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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