she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize