I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
