i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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