She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
