I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
