I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
