I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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