In America we eat man semen.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
