I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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