he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
