No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
