Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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