Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
