Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
