Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
