I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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