Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
