His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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