I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He? As in you personified your dick?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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