3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
