bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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