She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
