you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
