nut hugger
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
