HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
