The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
