I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
