All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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