I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
