Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
