I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
