Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
