Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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