I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
