I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
