Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
