he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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