Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
