I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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