Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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