If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
