Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
