he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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