Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
