cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
