So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
