whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
