NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
